The Uninteresting Life of.....

Dear Stranger,

You don’t no me and I don’t know you, but please stop pissing me off. Stop cutting me off on the freeway. Please stop bringing your kids to places they don’t want to be so I dont have to listen to them screaming. Stranger, please stop trying to be your kid’s friend. You are not. You are the parent. But you want to be the “cool parent” then you wonder why they cuss you out in front of their friends and run away when you actually say no.

Stranger, you do a lot of things that boggles my mind. Like, why do you go out of your way to make me mad when you don’t know me. Please get it together, because if not you will get to know me and I can be just as unpleasant as you.

Sincerely,

Alicia

Dear Dreams,

Thank you that you are constantly there reminding me of what is important and what is not. Many time I get caught up in BS that was nothing to do with me or you. I get off track, because I’m easily distracted or life butts in. I am grateful for you. When  life is going wrong, you continue to give me hope.

I dream about you often. As life goes by and time unwinds, you change slightly, but never become unrecognizable. I see you adjust yourself as I go through lessons and see things that are not as important to me as they use to be.

Thank you for always keeping me strong and focused.

Sincerely,

Alicia

Dear Anitria,

Where do I start? We are 10 years apart. You are older than I, and at times I feel I am the big cuz. I have watched you go in and and out of jail. It kills me how you feel like each time you go you did nothing wrong. You steal. I love you. You watched over me when I was younger.

When nana died, I saw a piece of you die too. I feel like she was the only person who could touch you. I don’t think anyone could close to you like she did. You don’t let anyone. You grew up with everything you could possibly want. Uncle banked 100K + a year, but you steal….. You were blessed with the attention of all our aunts, uncles, and papa. I was in another city. I know it is not your fault that I grew up not close to him, but I know you were the one he only wanted to focused on. I didn’t exist to him. But its cool. I watched how he ignored my mom (his own daughter) so what can I expect as his granddaughter. But that is a completely different letter.

Understand this….No matter what happens I love you and accept you for who you are….family.

Love,

Alicia

Dear Parents,

I know you two are not together any more. I know it has been 6 years since you guys split, but I still want to say it hurts. I still carry the pain and sorrow of your split. Where was my vote in this? Where was the trying? Not once did I see an effort to fix the problem.

Daddy….I buried a lot of anger for you. I feel like it was only because you still wanted a relationship with me. I feel like if you left me too, I would have been an ax murder or something because of how angry I was. I had to go to anger management because of you. I took my hurt out on other people, because I didnt  know how else to get rid of it.

Mother…..you let him leave. you wanted till it was too late. ( I know that is not true now) this is how I felt in the beginning.

Parents….while yall was going on with your stuff…I was dying and you didn’t notice until I flunk out of school.

Today….a lot of pain has left and moved on..I know your true feelings for me. I learned a lot about myself and what I can take and bare. Watching one parent mistreat another as a stranger when you know they were together for 20+ years is hard on any child no matter the age. I believe it is harder on only children. But every person (whether they believe it or not) base their relationships off of their parents. good or bad. So when the two people you trust to be together no matter what don’t it shakes the foundations of your beliefs….

Good job parents.

Love,

Alicia

Dear Boyfriend,

I  know who you are…

Who you are, who you’re not and who you could be..

With the understanding that you were made for me.

I dream of you on a nightly bases.

The places we go are not bound by spaces.

But space’s pull is the only thing that keeps us apart.

But I know once me and you connect together there will be nothing that keeps us from going far.

We will break down doors that continue to refuse to let us in

Our love would be too pure to be a sin.

It will shine brighter than any gold, silver, or tin.

Our love feels my heart with so much joy

It’s hard to believe that so much happiness comes from this one single boy

Because he does not treat my heart like it’s a toy.

 But I need to slow down a bit

It’s not like you are here with me kickin’ it.

I just need to come back down to earth

For I am spending too much time in heaven

Dreaming of the day when the angels will press send

So you can come to me and be my heart’s mend

For its been bruised in so many places

And have let in so many faces.

I don’t just know who you are…

I know…

Who you are, who you’re not and who you could be..

With the understanding that you were made for me.

My heart will remain open hoping there is no fee

Hoping you are not a lock without a key

Praying for the day it will finally see

You and me together as one

So until the day actually comes

I will be waiting at the finish line till the race has been won.

Dear Best Friend,

Some days I question our friendship. There are days were I felt under your radar. I feel you are only there for me because it is convenient for you to be. You know I would go out of my way for you and have gone out of my way for you. I have cleaned out my bank accounts (more than one) for you. I have yet to hear thank you. One of my pet peeves is people who are inconsiderate. You my dear fall into this category. Other friends tell me why do put up with it. I just say that is who she is and I learn to adjust for who she is. Most of the time, things you do don’t surprise me. But I admit you have caught me off guard a few times. This year you have gotten me twice. I let you yell at me and call me out my name. I let you accuse me of things that I didn’t do all because you were jealous of another one of my friends. I don’t do the term “best friend” very well. I dont put one friend above another. I understand being closer to some than others, but one is not better than the other. That is how you expected me to act and I didn’t so it pissed you off.

Fast forward: you text me on MY birthday to ask if I could make up my mind about YOUR wedding. That was your only concern. You forgot my birthday…. But let me have forgotten yours…I would be “a terrible person”…

I accept you for who you are. But remember, I also see you for who you are….

Sincerely,

your BFF….

Substitute love is love made up. It is not intended for someone who didn’t create it. Giving away this love to someone else can cause great damage. It can ruin the most well best ideas or relationships. Acknowledge your feelings before it’s to late. Dont give love for person a to person b, because person a is not around or doesn’t want it. By give person a’s love to person b, hurts person b in the end. The love given to them was not meant for them and they believed you. They trusted you.

Dont put pressure on someone you care for deeply, because you are not whole. Do you ever look at your life sometimes and feel like something is missing? Are you with someone that makes you truly happy, but catch your self craving more? Be careful my friend. Craving more than what you have and expecting someone to give it to you is dangerous and can lead you to being by yourself. Ever heard the expression fall in love with yourself first before someone can fall in love with you? That statement is very true. If you have insecurities about yourself, those very thoughts can push a love one away. How? Because you will be constantly be asking for validation in the area. It gets old quickly. When you have an issue with yourself in a certain area, you want to hear someone tell you its okay, you’re doing great, it doesn’t bother them, they don’t see it when they look at you, etc…. Why? it’s validation. We constantly need to hear it.

Doubt is very scary. I doubt myself in a particular area, and I have already been told not to bring it up again. But that doesn’t make it go away. I know what my problem is, and my mind is going to get me in trouble. My wonders… I doubt myself because of my lack of experience. I compare myself to their experinces ( can’t help it..I do). I am a control freak ( I admit it…and they know I do). I jumped into something thinking that I wanted it (I do) but now I’m dealing with not knowing what to do. I was told that’s good, then I won’t have warped expectations. But you’re telling a control freak that it’s great not having the control I crave (over myself)

You were my friend (still are). In the beginning I could tell you anything and it didn’t bother me what your reaction would be, because “this is me..live it, like it, love it”. Now…..

How do you talk to your friend about feelings and emotions that are created from them? I already dont like emotions because I can’t control them (control freak).

I have a fear that I am falling….

I have a bigger fear that I am falling….

….by myself…..

and the sad part about it….it’s not something that can be reassured.

If you can read this you have a strong mind: TH15 M3554G3 53RV35 TO PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG TH1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 TH1NG5! 1N TH3 B3G1NN1NG 1T WA5 H4RD BUT NOW, ON TH15 LIN3 YOUR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 1T 4UT0M4T1C4LLY W1TH OUT 3V3N TH1NK1NG 4B0UT 1T, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C34RT41N P30PL3 C4N R3AD TH15. R3 P05T 1F U C4N